Find True Love This Year!

Do you notice an unwanted pattern in your love life? If so, you’re about to discover why. We take a lot of action to attract higher quality relationships. Some efforts include putting our profile on a different dating site, hanging out with a new crowd or just solemnly swearing we’ll never fall for someone like ‘that’ again. Still our love life seems to be a revolving door of people who cause us pain.

News flash! We’re not being punished by Karma nor is our astrological chart dictating our fate.  To the contrary, we’re getting the results we are intending from our unconscious mind. In fact, no amount of action will change our results in a momentous way until we bring light to our unconscious.

We don’t choose who or when we’re going to love, right? It just happens. We fall in love because we’re not able to control it. Sometimes the people we love demonstrate their unwillingness to commit or inability to love us back, yet we’re still drawn and captivated by them! Let’s examine why and what we can do about it.

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung developed a map of the psyche, which by definition means soul.  If we think of the psyche in layers, the surface comprises the Persona/Ego, which is our conscious mind. This includes thoughts, feelings and memories we’re aware of. Below the Persona/Ego lies our Personal Unconscious, which is the part of our mind we are unaware of.  Unconscious content includes experiences and emotions we have repressed. Even deeper is what Jung referred to as the Collective Unconscious, which is where our psychological evolution lives.

There are deep unconscious elements in the psyche that determine how we will relate to the opposite sex and dictate who we feel chemistry with as adults. These are the psychological coding we’ve inherited from our lineage. Compare this to the DNA we’re born with that exist as potential coding for us to develop unique traits or illnesses. Environmental factors such as stress or pollution can stimulate these genes, signaling them to turn on or off. The DNA of our psyche are called Archetypes. ‘Animus’ is the Archetype within the female psyche and ‘Anima’ is the Archetype within the male psyche. Consider these the yin-yang, or opposite yet complimentary energies that exist in all of us.


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When someone we meet matches the imprint of our inner Anima/Animus, a very powerful attraction will ensue. Whether they’re nurturing & kind or distant & cold, they’re personifying the Archetype within us. The people we’re attracted to on the outside are reflecting the Archetype on the inside. This is an automatic function of mind that we don’t consciously control, therefore we are unconsciously choosing partners.

Just want to make sure you read and absorbed that we are unconsciously choosing partners.

The primary influence initially shaping the Anima/Animus is our opposite sex parent. For example if a child loves her father but also fears him, this creates a conflict. The way she interprets and survives this dissension will be different for every child. One possible perception could be that she associates fear with love. It’s not logical or conscious, but as an adult she may find herself continuously attracted to abusers or men she fears. Likewise, she may feel no chemistry with a man who’s kind and sensitive. In no way is this self inflicted, it’s just that the abuse will feel familiar based on the way our psyche develops between the ages of 2-12 years of age. Therefore the repetitious attraction to those who cause us pain is unconscious.

The culmination of our opposite sex relationships leaves a psychological stamp which is effectual in all of us. Tapping into this neglected aspect of our psyche allows us to transform those perpetually ‘bad’ relationships and the type of people we attract. Jung gave us the map, but it is up to us to take the inward journey.

Lesley Callan

Certified Jungian Life Coach

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